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About sharing When Sophie Townsend's husband, Russell, died in she was overcome with grief, but as the mother of two young children she had to keep going. Here she describes the new life she began at the age of 39, a single parent and widow slowly "re-entering the world" - and becoming OK. Byron Bay, on the north coast of New South Wales, Australia, is a magical place - it's hard to describe without sounding like a holiday brochure, but the crystal-clear water, the stretches of white sand, the lush rainforest - well, that's just the way it is. It'sa year since my husband died, and when I first think of the trip to Byron, it's to scatter his ashes.

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It felt like a first step. They argue with each other, each of them argues with me. They'll love him, I know it. The worst thing you can do is try to get into the shore - you'll always lose that battle, so you need to keep calm, conserve your energy, keep breathing.

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This year, the first one after their father died, Goleta california wife. have also lost their mother. And he winces. Bits of their tim, anyway. This information is shared with social media, sponsorship, analytics, and other vendors or service providers.

But there are moments when I think about a joke he once told, and it makes me laugh. They looked to me to make it better.

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It's a hour trip up the coast from Sydney, and I hate tije idea of him being so far away. In the first winter after he died, I didn't even know how to get the heating working - Russell had a special trick for getting the pilot light on, so we lived for weeks, cold and miserable. But then I remember.

I am persuaded to try internet dating, and I don't take to it. I come up from under a wave and I feel it now - the rip current - a channel of fast-moving water pulling us out from shore.

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He tells me he's worried about meeting them too soon, wants to wait. I wake up crying sometimes, and there are times I look at my girls, and that sadness in their eyes is more than I can stand. I haven't made them a proper hirl for so long because, in all the grief, I forgot how. It's just a holiday, a way to unwind tlme walking barefoot on the sand, floating in the sea.

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His ashes are still in the ugly plastic container from the crematorium. It wasn't until Iain was lookung adult with a family of his own that he uncovered who his mother really was and why she had died. When Russell was diagnosed with lung cancer we said we'd keep the girls' lives as normal as possible.

It'sa year since my husband died, and when I first think of the trip to Byron, it's to scatter his ashes. I love the girls desperately, but as they grow up, they keep moving away from me. ber

Bear keeps paddling, but the current keeps pushing her away. Find out more Losing the thing you are most sure of and coming out the other side.

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It has got better, mostly. She barely comes out of her room these days. You can adjust your cookie choices in those tools at any time.

Here she describes the new life she began at the age of 39, a single parent and widow slowly "re-entering the world" - and becoming OK. About sharing When Sophie Townsend's husband, Russell, died in she was overcome with grief, but as the mother of two young children she had to keep going.

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I complain to a friend that one of the men matched with me says he's passionate about tropical fish. I can see them, struggling, being pulled further away from safety. But on our last day I tell the girls I'd like to go to Vear Beach.

I'm better at seeing my girls move through the world, increasingly without my help - they're young women now, after-all - Bear is 20, Firl There are plenty of good days, but bad ones too. I take the girls back to our rented apartment, for our last night before the drive back home.

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After a few weeks, I begin to imagine the girls meeting him. He makes me happy, I think, so why wait? There's still a lot of silence in the house, not quite enough laughter. It happens at the oddest times, like at school drop-off, or when Bear says she's busy with her friends and can't come to the movies with me. Poppy is retelling the story of what she's calling our near-death experience. Sitting by your father's side, watching him die, as your mother screams, as the world seems to fade to black - that's not normal.

I'm scared of doing anything about it, but I'm also scared not to, because this loneliness keeps getting worse. A little bit of rest and relaxation in this place we love. So a bowl of pasta, slightly overcooked, with a sauce that is really not my best, felt like a feast. There's an awful lot of good things to remember, and a lot to look forward to, and in between, I'm OK. It's a triumph; a symbol that life is on an even ish keel.

Byron Bay, on the north coast of New South Wales, Australia, is a magical place - it's hard to describe without sounding like a holiday brochure, but the crystal-clear water, the stretches of white sand, the lush rainforest - well, that's just the way it is.

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See details. But I remember the good things too. He died in February, on a hot, muggy Sydney day, nine months after he ror diagnosed. He swims through the water, us clinging on, gets us on to the sand.

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The friends and family that kept me together and sane still keep me together and sane. A voice. He would have hated me spending lots of money on a nice urn, and I don't know where tirl scatter them - everywhere feels too far away. But I'm sure it will be all right.